So, on the tail of my moms guest blog the other day, I wanted to give her another shot at being my guest, because honestly, sometimes, she just makes me laugh. :)
:: Guest Post from Mom ::
“Mind-Body, A Conversation”
Mind: Well, I guess you heard. (British accent)
Body: Yep (Southern accent)
Mind: Frankly I’m in shock about it.
Mind: I mean, we hardly have cancer in our family.
Mind: I just never saw Leukemia coming, you know?
Mind: Is that all you can say, “yep?”
Body: Well, until you can give me something to react to, then “yep.”
Mind: You’re kidding right? Give YOU something to react to? That’s all you do is react. That’s why we’re in this boat.
Body: Now hold on there, Tonto. You know that’s my job. You think, I react.
Mind: No, I think, you ignore.
Body: The fact that you’ve been falling down on the job lately because of your psycho mumbo-jumbo is not my fault.
Mind: Hey, it’s not mumbo-jumbo, it’s for real.
Body: Yeah, yeah, well all that PTSD and Bi-Polar boogity boogity has not been good for me.
Mind: Hey, wait a minute. Just because my stress is a little high doesn’t mean you have to go postal with you’re white cells.
Body: “A little high?” You have got to be kidding. Your stress has been out the roof and I’ve been the one feeling it. I mean, again, I’m just reacting dude. Rain it in a little, would you?
Mind: “Rein it in she says,”…you don’t even know how to spell the word…I have to do even that for you. Seriously, you are an idiot. I’m embarrassed to have you for a body.
Body: If I’m the idiot then why do you have the IQ? You’re the idiot. You’re supposed to be controlling me.
Mind: Fuck you.
Body: Fuck you.
Mind: No seriously, fuck you.
Body: No really, fuck you.
Mind: I’d like to beat the shit out of you right now!
Body: Now who’s the idiot? You’d be beating yourself, you dumbass.
Mind: You see? You see?!
Body: You see? Of course I see, I’m the one with the eyes aren’t I?
Mind: No, I mean, we’re in this fix because you NEVER listen to me.
Body: Well, give me a call when you get back from charm school and maybe you’ll have something interesting to say.
Mind: We have Leukemia you imbecile, Leukemia. Do you even know what that is? Let me spell it for you. “Lu-fucking-ke-fucking-mi-fucking”uh.”
Body: My, my. Run out of descriptive words have we?
Mind: You drive me insane, I swear.
Body: It’s cancer of the blood. Every-body knows that.
Mind: And do you know WHY we have Leukemia?
Body: Actually, no. You haven’t told me yet.
Mind: Because you invited those damned ugly white cells into your bone marrow.
Body: It’s called hospitality dude. I was just trying to be nice. They said they needed a place to stay.
Mind: Nice…right, so these few ugly cells get a bedroom and then all of the sudden they start pro-creating, babies, grandbabies.
Body: Yeah well, never saw that coming. You should have been more vigilant.
Mind: You can’t put this off on me!! Now they are to the point that they are now killing off the good cells. All because of your so called “hospitality.”
Body: Okay, so you have a point. But you know I didn’t actually invite them in, I was just chill about it. The gene that produces those cells was just activated for some reason. I don’t know why.
Mind: Yeah, why would you control them when you can’t even control yourself. Oh right, now they are a part of “yourself.” Now they are part of us. Thanks for that.
Body: Well, I had a few drinks with them and they seemed nice enough. I was trying to be sensitive to their needs.
Mind: Look, I’m the sensitive one here. I need for you to listen every no and then.
Body: You never give me any attention! Why should I give you attention?
Mind: Fine, you do something right and I’ll pat your back, or rather direct your arm and hand to do so.
Body: Whatever. I can make due on my own.
Mind: No you can’t. You couldn’t walk two feet unless I told you to.
Body: OKAY fine! You’re the boss and I’m just a slave.
Body: Just work on the anxiety would you, it’s really doing a number on my heartburn.
Mind: You’re always putting these things off on me.
Body: What, now I’m in charge of anxiety and stress? That’s not in my job description, dude.
Mind: We’re not getting anywhere with this. I’m going to take a nap.
Body: Me too. I’m exhausted from all your brow-beating.
Mind: Ah, screw you.
Body: Screw you!
Mind: No seriously, screw you.
Body: No really, screw you.
Spirit: Hellooooooooo! It’s me…your conscience. Can I come in? (in soprano voice)
Mind and Body: Ah, shit.