Tears and Strength

Today’s workout sucked.  Straight up sucked it.

I am still ridiculously sore from Monday’s strength training class, but I forced myself to go to tonights class as part of creating a routine.  Chris actually encouraged the hell out of me because I was going to come home and work out to that crazy bitch Jillian Michaels on demand, but class is better.  Class is accountability.  Class you can’t leave.

Just like last weeks Wednesday class, there were two of us.  Me, and one other lady who had never been before.  She was fit and skinny though, so I was immediately insecure.  At least during Monday’s class if I needed a second to breathe, I could pause for a minute without it being too noticeable.  With two people in the class, if you stop doing anything ,it’s like they have to stop and wait for you.  Bleh.

The instructor was okay.  She did a really good job of demonstrating the moves and counting which was good, but holy crap, not one time in the 50 minute workout did she tell us to break for a minute or get some water.  I finally got to the point where I had to just slow myself down and get water if need be.

I made it through the entire workout, but I felt shitty about myself the entire time.  I felt really inadequate because I couldn’t do a few of the moves (reverse push ups on steps, figure eight lunges) and it just made me feel awful.  Then, at the end of the class, the people attending the yoga session after our class started lining up outside and I felt like an exhibit at the zoo.  Imagine 30 people staring at you while you’re just trying to finish your awkward and uncomfortable workout.

When hell was done, I got Chris, we walked out of the gym, and I burst into tears.  I cried to him that I couldn’t do some of the stuff.  I cried that I felt so embarrassed that I couldn’t keep up.  And then I cried because I was sore.  Good thing our drive home is only about two minutes long – I was able to cry it out and move on by the time we walked in the door.

Through all of my tears, Chris told me he was proud of me, that I did a good job, and that I was already halfway there just by showing up.  Getting in shape, getting stronger, and getting more coordinated is just going to take time.  Then, he made us spaghetti which was great because I just laid on the couch resting.  What a wonderful guy.

Tomorrow, Kirsten has our workout all planned out, and I’m looking forward to that.   She lets me go at my own pace (within reason) and I always feel like I get a good workout with her.

Is it Friday yet?

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7 thoughts on “Tears and Strength

  1. You’ll get there, girl. 90% of success is just showing up! Guaranteed you’re in better shape, have more confidence, have more motivation and a better cheerleader now than you did several years ago! Keep it up! :) ~Meg

  2. Aw *tear*. I’m sorry it was so rough tonight! But you’re amazing for going and challenging your comfort zone! Great job! Always remember that you may have crappy work out days but you are building your strength and it will become more familiar as you go! :) Chris is such a sweetie. Keep up the good work. Like I’ve said time and again, you’re amazing and I really really admire you challenging yourself and putting in all this hard work to your healthy lifestyle! :D HOORAY!

  3. Hello, I found your space and being an instructor (yoga) myself I was drawn to your blog and wanted to leave a comment. Tears and Strength is actually a nice balance… working out can be cathartic, the goal is keeping the focus on yourself, on what YOU can and cannot do and honor it. I teach my students to focus on self and learn their own strengths which complements “Living, Learning, & Dreaming! Nice Post.

  4. Not every workout is going to be great. I’ve left the gym in tears more than once. Focus on the ones that are awesome and leave you feeling great. The more you keep at it the more there will be that make you feel fabulous.

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