I have had this bottle of Shiraz in my apartment since May, and every weekend, I ponder whether to drink it or not. It’s 9:49 on a Friday night, and I have finally cracked it open. No special occasion, just me, a nice bottle of red, and warmth.

Raleigh has brought much change for me. I don’t feel like I have grown a tremendous amount, but I do feel as though I have grown more than I would have, had I stayed in DC. Taking a step to move, and go to a strange town by myself was a big deal. Maybe I haven’t changed that much, but making that first move was a feat in itself.

I’ve been here in North Carolina for six months. I enjoy it, but I’m not sure that Carolina is where I’m supposed to be. Yes, its an improvement from DC, but am I supposed to be here? I really don’t think so.

After the Texas trip a few weeks ago, I felt that, “I’m supposed to be here, now” feeling. The highway flyovers, the texas star on everything, the people, the heat, the culture…I feel like I belong. And feeling like I belong to something, anything, is rare for me. I feel like that old cliche of “I wasn’t born here, but I got here as quick as I could.” It’s one of the only places in the world that truly feels like “home” for me. I desperately want to go back, and so my plan is that come Spring, I move back to Austin. A definite change, but a good change…a step in the rigt direction.

I’m still not sure where I am headed in the long run, but for now, I’m heading home.


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