I’m back from my whirlwind trip to DC. I got a wee bit sad as I left VA today — just driving off, leaving my family, and all that I know behind kind of got to me for a second. But, once I hit the highway, I couldn’t wait to get home. The most comforting feeling came over me when I closed the door to my apartment and set my stuff down. I was home. And that my friends, is a great feeling.
So – Eric is apparently not talking to me anymore. I can’t say part of me doesn’t blame him, but I feel like he’s not really being honest with why he’s not responding to any of my messages. I was upfront, direct and honest with him about all of my feelings – and to get this kind of response…well, it’s slightly hurtful. I know things got kind of shitty with us in the last few months, but I didn’t realize it was going to put an end to the supposed friendship that we had. I guess I was wrong.
I want to express how wonderfully fantastic an unexpected surprise can be in your life. I know I’ve written about Liz before, but I’m just dumbfounded at how our friendship feels like it hasn’t changed. I feel like all those years of not talking were wasted in some way – but in some ways, it feels like that never happened. Yes, we missed some pretty significant moments in time – but we still “get” eachother. Over the years people tend to change, and I’m positive she and I have both changed, yet somehow, our level of friendship has remained intact. I can talk to her about anything, as she can I, and we have enough differences that we can lean on one another for support, understanding and advice. It just amazes me that after all these years, and after such a gap, the friendship still works. And maybe better than it was long, long ago.
In regards to yesterdays post about Nick. I am confused by my actual caring about the situation at all. I guess some part of me still always held out hope that we could be civilized to eachother, and have some kind of friendship…knowing that we are not capable of that hurts…I’m not really sure why, becuase he really treated me like shit and isn’t worth it. I guess just because I did spend 4 years of my life with him it will always hurt. I was thinking about how I had “deleted” him from my life cell phone wise, but could I delete him permanantely…could I throw away my box of stuff I have from that time? The pictures, the notes, the gifts, etc…Do I need it? Why do I have it? It’s just a constant reminder of a bad relationship — nothing good. Why hold onto bad memories? Is it possible to dislike someone but still hurt by something that happened years ago? Is it possible I’m still not ready to trash those memories? Should I keep them around as a reminder that I’m worth more than that? Or should I just trash it and say goodbye?
Tomorrow holds errands for me…and of course a race. Monday is my first day without training at work, so that’s pretty exciting. James, Linz and Shan are coming to visit in 2 weeks, and life is good.
Laugh when you can, apologize when you should, let go of what you can’t change, kiss slowly, play hard, forgive quickly, take chances, give everything, and have no regrets. Life is too short to not be happy.